U.S. private contractors looted Iraqi palaces and ministries, stole military equipment, fenced supplies destined for U.S. troops, and even operated a prostitution ring that may have contributed to the death of fellow contractor. Yet despite its focus on such salacious matters as sex and corruption, the session earned little media attention.
What this article fails to mention is that, despite what the liberal media may think, there are other important things happening in the world besides the war in Iraq.
For example, this week was The Week Miley Cyrus Bared Her Shoulder (TM).
Tween girls everywhere were spontaneously thrown into early puberty by the site of young Miley’s virgin backflesh. We found our playgrounds littered with the shards of shattered innocence, as girls whose interests were previously limited to unicorns, rainbows, and The Jonas Brothers, suddenly began tossing around phrases like “rimjob” and “felching.”
The economy was rocked as sales of Hannah Montana training bras plummeted, accompanied by a matching explosion of interest in Hannah Montana crotchless thongs. Swing sets were traded in for stripper poles. Jenna Jameson joined the cast of High School Musical 3.
The very fabric of childhood innocence was torn asunder. So, forgive us for not noticing a few million dollars in sensitive military hardware being sold for beer money.
The practice of stealing equipment and supplies destined for the U.S. military was so pervasive that KBR employees invented a slang term to describe it: “drug deals.”
Of course, this created problems for the KBR employees who were actually dealing drugs, forcing them to call their drug deals “stealing equipment and supplies destined for the U.S. military.”
Or “treason”, for short.
“KBR employees who were contracted to perform construction duties inside palaces and municipal buildings were looting,” [former KBR employee Linda Warren] said. “Not only were they looting, but they had a system in place to get contraband out of the country so it could be sold on eBay.”
That’s what I love about eBay. It has everything. Vintage pants? Check. Virgin Mary on a piece of toast? Check. 2,000 year old Babylonian antiquities? Check.
Just PayPal the Buy It Now price of $12.99, fill out your shipping info, and two days later FedEx leaves the Dead Sea Scrolls on your doorstep. Easy.
Committee chairman Senator Byron Dorgan of North Dakota has been advocating for the creation of a permanent, bipartisan Wartime Contracting Commission to look into the types of accusations raised this week, but so far, says Piatt, Senate Republicans have blocked the measure.
Here’s the problem with setting up a commission like that: It makes it so much harder to get away with things.
One minute you’re melting down priceless pre-Biblical coins to make gold-plated cowboy spurs, the next minute you’re in front of Congress trying to explain how that fits in with your $150 billion contract to provide logistical troop support.
Who needs that kind of hassle? It goes against all the fundamental rules of war profiteering. If I was Senator Dorgan, I’d keep my eyes closed, my mouth shut, and my hand open. If he can do that, there may just be a pair of gold-plated cowboy spurs with his name on them.
