Britney’s crotch shots take Web by storm
“She’s a beautiful girl and now that she’s single and she’s having fun, I think she’s just trying to express herself,” said New York-based celebrity image consultant Amanda Sanders.
Self-expression is extremely important to a girl in Britney’s situation. She’s been through a lot the last few years, between the marriage, the divorce, the other marriage, the other divorce, the baby, the other baby … I’m stressed just writing about it.
With all that pressure building up, she needs an outlet through which to vent her frustrations. Always the innovator, Britney is not content to just spill out her emotions in song or verse. She has already done that, to miraculous effect (see also: (I Got That) Boom Boom and the seminal masterwork, Tigers.
Instead, Britney decided to create an entirely new artform as a way to say, “Here I am, World. I’m not afraid of you. I’m going to show you my strength. My resolve. My inner labia.”
An artist of lesser stature would probably go about this expression in all the wrong ways: Taking out a full-page spread (so to speak) in the New York Times. Mailing a signed photo of her vagina to every member of her fan club. Leaking a DVD of that time she got a Dirty Sanchez from Screech and Tom Sizemore.
But this isn’t a full-frontal view into the gaping maw of Paris Hilton’s soul-devouring vagina, the depths from which no light or hope can escape. Indeed, the word “gaping” could never be used to describe the delicate flower of Britney’s ladythings, a work of art more accurately described using words like “pouting” and “feathery” and “vulvalicious.”
Britney’s genius is that she has found the inherent innocence and sweetness that are sometimes lost when a celebrity flashes her twat to the paparazzi. It’s as if she is saying, “My vagina is more than just the place that Kevin Federline stored his diamond-encrusted penis. It is also the conduit through which the innocence of a newborn child is brought into the world. Also, I shaved.”
Thank you, Britney, for making public pussy flashing good again.
(ed note: My apologies for not including a link to a signed vagina photo. Sadly my Google Images search for “autographed vagina” has proven to be disappointing. The Internets just aren’t what they used to be.)
